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    On October 13th a piece appeared on IOL entitled Cape Town, you can keep your mountain.

    In it, the writer launched into a critique of Cape Town (versus Durban) and raised a virtual tsunami of irate reader responses. I can't imagine the writer actually meant to offend, more likely to amuse. But people are clearly sensitive about their hometown; and in the run-up to 2010, the general consensus seems to be that we don't need any Brits, Yanks, Finns etc reading negative comments about South Africa, written by South Africans. It's important to say nice things only, so they all come here with their holiday pocket money next year.

    It would probably not behove* me, then - here on top of my majestic, world famous Table Mountain - to sink to the level of a silly tit-for-tat retort in defence of the Mother City.

    Yet as someone who 'semigrated' from Durban to the Cape three years ago, perhaps I can simply outline why I love with this place - and why I haven't missed dear old Durbs for a minute.

    I lived in Durban for a decade, give or take. Or so says my diary. Unfortunately I myself can't remember most of it, so it's quite lucky I kept the diary. All I really remember is being 22 and full of beans, arriving for the first time at Morningside's artiest bar. Then suddenly I was 32 and full of tequila, gazing at my receding hairline in one of the ornate mirrors. I became beset by a horrible vision, of being 42, 67… Clint Eastwood-aged… and still sitting in the same bar, getting older next to the same regulars, in the same old never-changing city.

    In a panic, I fell off my bar stool, sprinted home erratically and told my wife we were moving to San Francisco in seven minutes. We checked on our savings and decided to opt for San Fran Lite instead - Cape Town. It's pretty much as nice as San Fran, and it was cheaper for us to move to.

    That night, as I inhaled mozzies, fended off ghost geckos, dripped sweat and envisioned the N2 unfurling away into our Atlantic-moistened future, the despairing cry of a drinking hole regular from earlier that evening echoed in my ears…

    "But wait!" he had cried as I had barged my way out, between pretend-hippies, trend forecasters and graphic designers, "Durban's about to explode… plode… ode…"

    Not blow up, obviously. Obviously. The inebriated sage simply meant that Durban was, through his beer goggles, obviously on the cusp of massive growth, world city status, a new phase of dynamism - maybe even a new, African-born Renaissance movement!

    Trouble was, I had been hearing this for a decade by the time we left. Durban doesn't change much; it just is. The roads might get confusing new names; one restaurant may close while another opens (the Debbin crowd is notoriously fickle), Indian Mynahs are born, learn to talk and die laughing - but not much else happens by the slow, lukewarm sea. Nothing happens at all. The needle returns to the start of the song, and we all sing along like before… Sorry. Drifted into a Del Amitri fugue state there. How about Morrissey on Durban, then: Every day is like Sunday… every day is silent and grey… (certainly in September, it is).

    All right, look, I promised not to try and "get Durban back" here. Can I tell you something? We probably automatically criticise the places we once lived in, because it helps heal the secret, little "I miss it" ache inside. For example, relatives of mine who moved to London can't stop being smug about it and dissing Africa all the time, over their ebony hand-carved Zambian table with Zulu bead tablecloth. But I know - I know - they miss the rains down in Africa.

    And Durban was good to me, I admit. It gave me lasting friends (who I'm now trying to lure to Cape Town); my beautiful wife, and a tendency to say "fush" (fish), "laak" (like) and "God, I wish they would ban those bloody fireworks."

    And Durban boasts scenery just as dramatic and starkly beautiful as the Cape's. There's the towering cream monolith of the Pavilion, with thousands of souped up, tinted-window cars twinkling charmingly in its sun-melted parking lots. There's that Christmassy casino on Battery Beach (probably visible from the moon). Or who can overlook Windermere Centre, that large brown tribute to 70s architecture that so winsomely blocks the sea view for everyone from Morningside to Kokstad? And look! Durbanites even have that… hill thingy. The Bluff? The Buff? Not tabular, nor mountainous - but it's something.

    Each to their own, hey. A friend of mine recently moved to Durban and says she "smaaks" it (likes it. Laaks it). I moved to Cape Town and started saying Hout Ba-ay. You can't really compare places. Well you can, but it will probably end in tears and hair-pulling. However - and this must be mentioned - don't you get tired of people saying that Cape Town is "not African enough"? What an inane comment. We're very African. We probably have many, many more Kenyans, Malawians and Zimbabweans than Durban does, for one thing.

    And we have Mzoli's. Cape Town is a heaving calabash of pan-African dynamism. Once I even saw Helen Zille toyi-toying somewhere, in the run-up to the elections (we love Helen here. She keeps our city clean and our libraries natty. Whereas, last time I checked, Durban needed a shower and a shave and only half of the traffic lights worked).

    eThekwini Online says that 68% of Durban's population are black African, with the rest being made up of Asian (20%), white (9%) and coloured (3%). Meanwhile, a 2001 census showed that in Cape Town, the coloured community formed the majority, at 53.91%. So… when people complain that Cape Town is not "African enough" are they proposing that coloured South Africans are "not African enough"? Unlike some of this land's many tribes (black, white or blue), coloured people never colonised South Africa from afar, nor did they migrate into the area from elsewhere in southern Africa. Having arisen right here out of this land, they may very well be, along with the San people, the most accurately African - and South African - of us all.

    But I'm no anthropologist. I don't even know one.

    Another thing: it's a really obvious ploy to lambaste Capetonians for having Table Mountain, as if we put it here and can't stop staring at it. Look, it's not our fault that "Table Mountain is among the final 28 sites competing for a spot in the New 7 Wonders of Nature" (see story here.

    I may be wrong, but I don't think I saw North Beach on there. We actually have hundreds of mountains in Cape Town, anyway. Would you like one, Durban? We'll even throw in a wine farm or two, on its glossy slopes. Or are you happy with le Buff? And your cute little sharks, as opposed to our awe-inspiring great whites? Want one of our oceans, perhaps? We've got two, so help yourself.

    Oh! That reminds me. Must remember to lobby the DA again, re my big plan to dynamite the Cape Peninsula entirely away from the mainland. Genius. Being an island has worked very well for Mauritius. And if us Kaapenaars are to be constantly viewed as being stubbornly insular, ignorant and non-African, maybe we should make it literally so, and simply paddle the whole of the Cape metropole over the Atlantic to Brazil. Like us, those chaps enjoy a good beach party. We'll fit right in, there. You'll miss us, Durban – and our Mountain! We'll also take with us our distinguished history, unique fynbos, cultural festivals, road manners (except the taxis), Kirstenbosch concerts, Minki van der Westhuizen and Greyton (the Cape's best little town).

    Look, there's no need to take any of this "my city is better than your city" nonsense too seriously. I'm just poking a little fun at Dirtbin (feels like poking a bee hive with a protea branch). I embraced that sweaty city for a whole decade, so there must have been a reason. Probably the bacon rolls at Saturday morning's Essenwood Flea market.

    I hope a tsunami of irate responses from Durban readers won't rain on my Kaapse Klopse parade now. Probably too late. Maybe it will rain fush instead.

    * Love that word

  • Want to defend Durban? Email us!

    Reader responses

  • Thanks for your CT article. I thought the whole “Durbs is better than CT” was a very cheap shot to try and boost tourism numbers for the coming season. The numbers speak for themselves, so I suppose other cities competing for a share of the tourism market in a recession is going to be desperate. - Grant Noble

  • Seriously, Durban, what a nasty little town…. i lived there for a couple of years and then for another couple after returning from overseas 12 years later… I couldn’t take it…. that local radio station was still playing the same songs from the day I left…. It felt like I had never left and worse it seemed I had gone back in time…. It was filthy with traffic lights not working and the same sticky horrible humidity… Cockroaches….that's all I think of when Durban is mentioned….the place is infested with them…. I now very happily reside in the Cape….there is sooooo much to do and its so beautiful and clean…. I'm one stop from heaven. Thank you God for the Cape! Thank you sooooo much! - Nigel Price

  • The spurious article that denigrated Cape Town has been answered with such accuracy. Durban is dirty, not well maintained and crime ridden. On a recent business trip there I was shocked to see how it has gone down the tubes. A few nights in a beachfront hotel was more than enough to realize just how bad Durban is. The prostitute problem is out of control with these 'ladies' accosting you every 50 meters and the preseason service in the restaurants sucks. AS for showering only to sweat again within 5 minutes…the less said the better! No self respecting mountain would agree to be located there. - Neville Bishop

  • Awesome article that was approached with an open mind. Cape Town got destroyed by a biased article and I'm happy this one isn't. - De Waal Rautenbach

  • I have lived in both and found Capetonians to be very cliquey (more so than Durbanites) - we will phone you for braai but my cell phone is still silent… And in Cape Town one cannot just pop in to visit on a whim - it is just not done !!!!!!! The weather in Cape Town…. sjoe… if it is not windy it is raining and if it is not raining it is windy and if you are unlucky it is raining and blowing. Although seriously the weather is as about as perfect as one can get in Cape Town during February, March and April but that is only 3 months of the year !!!!! Definitely a Durbanite. - John Barry

  • I was rather in two minds to respond to the article, given that at the end of the day it is pretty much "each to their own"… However, I just had to ad that the article is probably the most pretentious drivel I have ever had the misfortune to read, and does somewhat smack of the "expat" trying desperately to justify their "big move". Enjoy Cape Town… I certainly do when I go on holiday… I makes me appreciate my home town even more on my return. - Colin Chester [EDITED]

  • Wow, if everyone moves to CT then it will break off from the Mainland and drift to Brazil. Sigh!! - Pranesh

  • You conveniently neglected to mention one point: Capetonians. Having visited both CT & Dbn in my travels around SA I can honestly say that Capetonians are probably the rudest, most arrogant & unhospitable folk I've come across, barr the residents of NY. Pretty area but unless you've got time to waste there are plenty better options for a traveller in SA, including Dbn. Folks in the Eastern Cape were very nice, does that count as CT? - Adrian Verduyn

  • You forgot... You get a free sharks bumper sticker if you live in Durbs. I'm not sure if it's law or optional but all the vehicles seem to have one. - John Comyn

  • You get a free sharks bumper sticker if you live in Durbs. I'm not sure if it's law or optional but all the vehicles seem to have one.

  • Gareth Pike obviously never did geography.... Cape Town cannot lay claim to 2 oceans! It's a load of k*k that the Indian & Atlantic 'meet' at Cape Point. No mention of the friendliness of the local population. Probably too embarrassed - they behave worse than the ODFs (usually known as odious Durban families). After having lived here for 22 years, albeit in the hills, I just love the atmosphere, smell of curry, warm Indian Ocean, our most superb (best on the continent) symphony orchestra, Comrades marathon, Kings Park, Kingsmead. Ah, the best kept secret is that it's only a couple of hours from the mighty Barrier of Spears & a multitude of game reserves. So, Capetonians put that in your puffed up, arrogant, pipes and smoke it! - Susan Grave

  • I’m from Jozi, watching CPT and DBN "fight" it out from the sidelines from my plush office chair and find it all quite sad, really.

    I work for a large company with branches based in all three villages and it beseems* me that nothing comes close to the "efficiency" (or monetary wealth) of Jozi… my CPT colleagues all seem to lack something : je ne sait quoi – oh yes ! Efficiency and common sense and being able to identify that there IS life and a vast universe outside of the Republic of CPT

    … and as for my DBN colleages, well, I try really hard not to put my clock back 6 hours to be able to be in their general frame of reference !

    When our CPT colleagues come to visit, we make sure to point their desks and chairs facing Northcliff Hill so that they’re not too homesick… and as for my DBN friends, there’s one glimmer of hope : I once heard an Ozzie saying that he thought Durbanites were workaholics !!!

    (*love THAT word)

    Sobs - a proud South African !

  • The article is amusing, but as a resident of the Boland I would like to point out that no way would any REAL wine estate, or Greyton, float out to see if the Cape Peninsula did! We are separated from the Cape Peninsula by the cape Flats, and thankfully so. In fact Durbanites might be interested to know that residents of the West Coast and Boland also do not like Cape Town, and Capetonians very much! - Roger Lewis

  • This silly and stupid debate about which city in South Africa is better than the other is really unnecessary and divisive. There is one South Africa and this nonsensical debate is like a person arguing with himself/herself about which part of his/her body is more beautiful than the other... please people grow up! Let's talk about property ownership in South African cities... and if it is skewed to one race group or foreigner... let's us come-up with a plan now to correct that! - Siyabonga Seme

  • I would tend to agree with one of the other reader's comments before... this article is pretentious drivel. As a Durbanite I would agree that there is no way we can compare our City to the Mother City, we can't compete. However, I think what the original article eluded to - is that Cape Town is internationally perceived as a tourism Mecca, however, for those of us with a better understanding of the country, know that its nice for a few days but gets old... But as a place to reside it depends on what one is after in life. Durbaanites don't want EITHER of the oceans cape town has and we definitely dont want any of their mountains.

  • Cape Town is the last vestige of Eurocentric ideals on the African continent. So it is not surprising to find such raving opinions from Eurocentric minded people with their prim, proper and mindlessly boring lifestyle. I go to Cape Town on occasion to de-stress and relax. There is no other place in SA that's boring enough to allow you that opportunity to be out of your mind. Take away the mountain and you are left with a heap of fish and chips. That's it. You may talk of vineyards, but watching grapes grow does not quite have that yiiiihah factor. Durban on the other hand is vibrant with a variety of colours , smells, people, cultures and action. It may not be as clean as CT. It may not have as many working traffic lights as CT. But that's what makes it Durban. Who wants another CT anyway. One is more than enough. And maybe we should push CT out to sea so we will have none. - Rajesh Eraman

  • There is good and bad in both Durban and Cape Town. I am an ex Durbanite of 12 years (still visit family 3 to 4 times a year) and still miss certain aspects of Durban and especially the easy going /friendly people. Not that Capetonians aren’t friendly…. It just takes a while longer. My group of friends still mainly consist of ex Durbanites and ex Johannesburgers. I am happily dating a Capetonian so I don't think I'm being baised. The biggest negative for me about Cape Town is that transformation is much slower…. I find Durban and Johannesburg far more intergrated. Yes Cape Town is Beautiful but so is the Natal Midlands. If I had the choice I would spend the warmer months in Cape Town and the cooler in Durban… where its warm enough to still swim all year round… And they have Shark nets! I agree that Durban has a lot of cleaning up to do…. But Cape Town also has its share…. Take a good look around. And how about the shacks on the N2! When are decent houses going to be built for the people living there? In a city where we boast about beauty and properties selling for millions… It's a shame! Still I love both cities…. Perhaps there is a little nostalgia too when it comes to Durban! - Tina Hawksworth

  • I have no intention attacking the Durbanites, but I have noticed a common thread in their criticism of Cape Town. When talking about Capetonians, they often use words like cliquey, wishy-washy, bad drivers, slow, bla-bla-bla. And may I add, they are relentless - even to the point of coming across as overly opinionated and arrogant. Not normal traits of Durbanites when observed in their native habitat.

    And when Durbanites talk about Cape Town, it is often the wind, the rain, the cold, traffic, bla-bla-bla. But the last time I checked, statistics indicated that Durbanites were queuing up bumper to bumper (proverbially) on the N1 in a Treck to settle down in the Fairest Cape. And may we say, a hearty welcome to them all!

    But there is something else that we simple minded Capies have noticed about Durbanites. After settling down in the Cape - after a good few years - they start getting over themselves and begin to chill and before you know it, their nice side begins to surface. And they really are a nice bunch - the Durbanites … - Dirk Short

  • Cape Town is pretty and all (woop woop !) but there is one really big thing that makes people not want to go to Cape Town – Capetonians!

  • You obviously need to travel around the Western Cape. Go to Cape Aguhlhas and then explain the two oceans that Cape Town is supposed to have. When the majority of Capetonians believe this how much more fiction is passed around?

  • The number of responses shows just how touchy a subject it is! I am a Durbanite recently returned after living for some time in the very windy, cold and unfriendly city of CT... how nice to have summer all year round, an ocean you can actually swim in, mango and avo trees in the garden etc... undoubtedly, Durbanites lack the aggressive and superior attitude of the Capetonians... laid back and loving it.

  • Dear Gareth - What I find most unfortunate when I read an article such as yours or hear the argument between Durbanites and Captonians about their cities, is that fact that they argue about their respective cities AT ALL.

    Are they not all South Africans, and is it not, one very beautiful country.

    Yes, Durban needs a major clean up and does not have a mountain (just look a little further though in the suburbs as you reach the heart of Zululand), and certainly CT has a mountain, not to mention the great wines and winelands to go with it. Durban has a larger variety of wildlife to offer the international tourist than CT does, BOTH cities have so much to offer, really, what a pity citizens of both don't think of themselves as South Africans first and welcome the international tourist to their respective cities with the attitude that SA has loads to show, please stay and see more (DBN, JHB, CT, Garden Route, God's Window, (list is endless) etc.).

    I write this as an ex-Durbanite, (who spent most of my childhood holidays in Knysna and Plett. which, in my mind are the most beautiful areas on the Planet) and an ex Satour Tour Guide for KwaZulu/Natal. Please, promote your country as one, it is truly a world in one country and not worth an argument between two cities.

    Regards, Daniela

  • From Gareth Pike

    Gosh, I saw that new TWO OCEANS TV ad and was pretty convinced that, if you were to nip down to Cape Point, you would indeed behold the Indian at the Atlantic smashing stormily together.

    No, really my understanding is that the actual meeting point of the two oceans varies at any given time, between Cape Aghulas and as far as Cape Point - a distance of some 100km - depending on the vagaries of ocean currents. The meeting point is just 'more often' towards Agulhas: "the dividing line between the warm and cold waters is more often at Cape Agulhas than anywhere else ... However, because of the effect of the south-easterly and north-westerly winds, the warm current can on occasion drift even as far as Cape Point." www.southafrica.info. So Cape Point is more just a 'symbolic meeting point'.

    Maybe we should move on from the COMPARISONS soon - no one wins - and simply find out what people LIKE about their home town - be it Jozi, Slummies, Richards Bay or Saldanha...