It's not just about scoffing smoked salmon and quaffing champagne for breakfast on a slice of white sand where palm trees hold sway; or being whisked over watery hues of blue to a private island for the best rum cocktails this side of a pirate's Yo ho ho. No, the best thing about Le Touessrok is the staff and their nothing-is-too-much-trouble approach.
From the butler who unpacks your clothes - "Oh Sookraj, come live with me and be my man..." - to smiling beach attendants toting chilled towels and rose-scented spray mists to take the sting out of sunburnt skin, or waiters who row a five-course repast to a couple on a candle-lit raft - without dropping any of it into the sea - every sybaritic urge is indulged.
In short, Le Touessrok does what it says on the box, or rather, the glossy brochure that fuels countless tropical daydreams of island getaways from the stuffy confines of countless offices.
Since Mauritius is famous for its water sports - wind surfing, parasailing, yachting and the like - you might think I'd have opted for a Catamaran cruise or a little light snorkelling, but you'd be wrong.
While my husband enjoys scuba diving - his own foray uncovered a Moray eel and starfish "relaxing" on the seabed, apparently - my idea of a blissful break is doing as little as possible.
Give me a pristine beach, a brilliant book to sink into - in this case, Stieg Larsson's The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest - a sun lounger under a shady thatch, and a discreetly hovering waiter who starts like a hound to the hare when you raise your flag.
"May I clean your sunglasses, Madam? Freshen your drink?"
That's my idea of heaven.
Even so, Le Touessrok raises the bar with levels of luxury exalted even by Mauritian standards.
We were cosseted from the moment we arrived - "we" being various assorted journalists and food fundis including the mellifluous Mike Mills from Classic FM and culinary craftsman Arnold Tanzer, former personal chef to Michael Douglas. Over mango lassi and cautiously spiced prawns at Safran, the Indian-influenced eatery overlooking Trou d'Eau Douce Bay, Tanzer enthralled me with tales of the Hollywood icon's food preferences - caviar by the kilo, natch - and his hotline to the White House.
Once while filming The Ghost and The Darkness with Val Kilmer deep in the Mpumalanga bundu somewhere, Michael Douglas decided to treat the crew to pizza.
One small logistical challenge: the nearest pizza parlour was more than 200km away in Nelspruit.
No problem. Tanzer was dispatched by helicopter to pick up (and keep hot) at least 130 pizzas for everyone on set. Today, Tanzer's menu creation consultancy is aptly called Food on the Move.
Have helicopter, will easily land on Le Touessrok's pad, too.
Such is the lifestyle of Hollywood A-listers and assorted moguls who hang out at LT.
Not with the mere millionaire mortals, you understand - they opt for one of three ultra-private beachfront villas, each with its own pool, garden, terrace, private beach and individual access.
Daily rates start at R50 000 in the low season - petty cash to the likes of Sir Richard Branson or Prince Andrew, both former guests.
Our own junior suite was no slouch in the sybaritic stakes, either. Perched over a glittering ribbon of sea, it quoted freely from the lap of luxury with its I-Pod docking station and 24-hour butler - something every girl should have!
I searched in vain for anything less than top notch.
The next day we were whisked off by boat to Ilot Mangénie, Le Touessrok's private island.
Here we nibbled on fresh grilled lobster at Crusoe's, serenaded by a Sega band. Then we piled back onto the boat for a droll sighting of Mike Mills foraging about like a Pink-footed Shearwater for his flip-flops, which his wife Sue had thoughtfully packed away in their bag.
Later a gentle massage at that mecca for hedonists, otherwise known as the Givenchy Spa, soothed away any lingering vestiges of stress.
So what to do with the replenished chi? Hey, how about getting down with the Kreol Jazz Pioneers in the Sega bar? Here Judex Bamboche played fast and loose with the trombone as though it were an extension of his body, groaning and grumbling one minute; joyfully flatulent the next. As Marc Mallet (clarinet) Louis Cupidon (drums), Fabrice Tagou (banjo and guitar) and Giovanno Semitoude (bass) picked up the beat, the atmosphere became infused with all the joy and oomph of a Big Easy band in New Orleans circa 19 voetsek.
Their upbeat virtuosic performance segueing from Hello Dolly to a lively rendition of When the Saints Go Marching In - vocally supplemented by every guest in the open-sided bar - was worth the trip to Mauritius alone.
Wait, did I mention dinner at Barlen's on Frangipani Island? Designed according to Feng Shui principles with fiery under-lighting at the bar and a water-filled moat sealed with glass beneath the feet, it's gastro-architecture with a sea view.
Think contemporary cuisine with a modern Asian twist in starter-sized portions. My pan-seared scallops served on shredded palm hearts, followed by tuna tartar were pure epicurean pleasure. I reached over to try my husband's salmon sashimi but he'd necked it like a hungry heron.
Speaking of birds, what a joy it was to hear the kink-a-joo chatter of Red-whiskered Bubuls feeding on palm fruits around the resort.
I'm sure I saw a Mauritius Black Bulbul on Ilot Mangénie too. I hope so. By the mid-1970s only 200 pairs of these bright-eyed songbirds had survived the loss of their forest habitat to sugarcane and tea plantations.
Today less than 1.5 percent of native forest on the top third of the island's mountains is left.
The Mauritian Wildlife Foundation is pushing for a policy to restore the marginal lands and it is also one of the highest recommendations in the National Forestry Policy Action Plan. (More info from www.mauritian-wildlife.org)
However, for a fine example of a tree that should take pride of place in the Garden of Eden, look no further than Le Touessrok's entrance where the massive bulk of an ancient Banyan tree - its hanging branches festooned with glowing lanterns - promises fecundity and plenty to all who venture within. Indeed, the only thing Le Touessrok will leave you wanting is more.
If You Go...
Three bars and six restaurants include Safran, Barlen's, Three-Nine-Eight for multi-national cuisine; Paul & Virginie on Ile aux Cerfs for seafood and Mauritian dishes; Crusoe's on Ilot Mangénie, offering fresh fish or spit-roasted lamb; and the Club House on Ile aux Cerfs overlooking Bernhard Langer's signature 18-hole golf course.
The Givenchy Spa offers bespoke treatments if you're not up to the water sports, tennis, golf, horse riding, scuba, game fishing, gym, or a swim in one of the three sparkling pools.
Children of all ages are exceptionally well taken care of and two fully-equipped 114m2 conference rooms are available free of charge to guests.
