Travelling abroad, South Africans will often have a "Joburg moment". That's when you are abruptly struck by the total disjunct between what you are doing and what it would be like at home in a similar situation.
My first Joburg moment was in Vienna, way after midnight when, walking through the city centre, I suddenly stopped and looked around in panic. The Canadian journalists I was with looked at me as though I was mad - which I suppose I was, at least momentarily. I explained that, back home, a midnight walk through the CBD would, to put it mildly, not be good for one's health.
Travelling through Britain over the snow-deluged festive period, I had another Joburg moment.
We were crawling along in thick traffic on a motorway, snow and sleet coming in flurries. The lines of cars slowed to around 20km/h - something we had been warned about by the overhead electronic signs which are regularly updated. As I drove, I sensed something amiss but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, after another kilometre of so of puzzling, it hit me: No taxis in the emergency lane.
It's quite eerie to see people abiding by the rules, after the lawlessness we see daily on our roads in South Africa.
And that's one of the best things about a driving holiday in the UK (and in Ireland) - there are very few unpredictable or rude drivers to add to the stress of finding your way in a new environment.
On our recent family trip to the UK, we opted to drive because we wanted to visit family in Ireland. In mainland Britain (England, Wales and Scotland), the public transport services are generally good enough to get you to most places. But in Ireland, train and bus services are less comprehensive.
Also, a car undoubtedly gives you flexibility - you can go when you like and come back when you like and you can interrupt your journey to visit a quaint, off-the-beaten-track place (of which there are thousands across the British Isles and Ireland).
Hiring a car is surprisingly affordable: I found a quote of just over £900 (just over R11 000) for a Ford Mondeo station wagon for three weeks. You will pay extra for insurance and a lot extra if you have a driver who is under 25. Get an international driving licence (from an AA outlet) to be on the safe side, but definitely take your South African licence with you.
We needed a large car to carry four people and luggage - but there are plenty of smaller alternatives available. And small is the way to go if you're a couple or travelling light. Fuel in the UK is some of the most expensive in the world. Work on around R14 to the litre (almost twice what we currently pay).
Petrol and diesel are generally similar in price but, if you can, hire a diesel vehicle. These will deliver far better fuel consumption than their petrol-engined equivalents, making your rands-in-the-tank go further. You will find that because traffic speeds (especially on the non-motorway roads) are, on average, lower than they are here, your fuel consumption will benefit.
While we're on the subject of fuel, remember that you'll wait a long time sitting at a petrol pump for an attendant to fill your car for you. That's because all pumps in the UK are self-service and, once you get used to the novelty of doing it yourself, it works well.
Getting a small car is also recommended when you consider the fact that many of Britain's (and Ireland's) roads are a lot narrower than we're used to.
Motorways (designated with the letter M) range from four to six lanes, but the secondary roads (A, B etc) are in some cases barely wide enough for two cars to pass each other.
And don't be fooled into thinking that an A road (effectively next best after the motorway) will be wide. In parts of the country (such as the Lake District) even the A roads can be claustrophic if you're in anything bigger than a little hatchback.
Driving in Britain and Ireland is attractive, too, because they drive on the same side of the road as us (the left) and their road laws (and signs) are very similar to ours.
One thing you will have a problem with, though, is traffic circles (especially in places like Milton Keynes, which is known as the City of Circles). They work like our major traffic circles in this country: give way or yield to traffic on the right. Treat them like our mini-circles (which are effectively four-way stops) and you'll find yourself in trouble.
Traffic circles need to be approached with care if you are using a satnav device (take your own portable one with you or hire one - this is a non-negotiable), because the lag time of the signal can mean you take the wrong exit. Annoying as it is, I would advise leaving the speaking voice on, so you know, well in advance, to "take the second exit"... and then count them off as you go through the circle. Plan your trip thoroughly before you leave (at the risk of annoying the others in your party - but safe and prepared is way better than sorry and lost any day).
Another thing to remember when embarking on a car tour of the UK is that parking is generally at a premium. In places likes London and Oxford, you will pay a fortune to use a public car park (£2 per hour or more) - and in addition there is a £10-a-day "congestion tax" in central London. If you're going to do the capital, use public transport and either collect your car before or after you've done London.
While you will find British (and Irish) drivers generally way better than their South African counterparts, also be aware that this is partly because traffic law enforcement is taken seriously. Don't break the speed limits (70mph or about 110km/h on motorways and 30mph or 50km/h in town) or try things like illegal U-turns. You risk seeing your car removed by the police if they catch you. And don't even think about drinking and driving.
Weather-wise, think twice about taking a car in the depths of winter. Which is what we did - and why life is a learning experience.
Our trip coincided with the worst winter weather in almost 30 years - snow, sleet and temperatures well below zero. We were driving a rear-wheel-drive BMW loaned to me by BMW UK. In any conditions other than ice, it would have been magnificent. But in Ireland on a minus-4 morning, it slid backwards into a ditch. None of the fancy electronic systems on the car made the slightest bit of difference and I was a helpless passenger behind the wheel as it all happened. Fortunately, there was a kind man on hand to tow us out with a tractor.
Motorways are regularly cleared of snow and the authorities also put down salt and grit on A and some B roads. So if you have to travel at that time of the year there, stick to the main roads. And, if possible, get an all-wheel-drive vehicle. When travelling in these conditions, you'll find you quickly become a weather report addict.
For the rest of the year, you can expect rain and in summer it can get stinking hot, so think about hiring a car with air-con.
Also, travelling is a much dirtier business than it is here in South Africa. There is always moisture on the roads, which turns road grime into mucky slush - something exacerbated in winter with the salt and grit. You'll find you'll use your windscreen washers a lot more than you do here, and will soon run out of washer fluid. Remember then, that because of the extreme temperatures, you won't just be able to top up the reservoir with water, you'll have to add anti-freeze.
Once you get out of the cities and into the countryside, it is a fine place to enjoy good roads, good destinations and, in most cases, friendly people.
You just have to get used to people obeying the rules...
