With long, shapely legs and a hunting knife in his belt, delectable Dave Pusey, Tinga Lodge's answer to Safari Ken, cuts a reassuring swathe through the Sabi thicket.
The Titian-haired Hardy Boy of the Bush knows the Latin name of every tree and plant in the park as well as all their medicinal uses.
Take the blink blaar wag-n-bietjie bos, or buffalo thorn (Ziziphus mucronata), highly prized by the local people for its tasty berries. A branch dipped in goat's blood and placed on the roof wards off lightning.
And the thorns - one pointing forwards, the other backwards - come in useful for snagging spirits. Should you kick the bucket far from home, a relative armed with a buffalo thorn branch will go to the place of your death, hook your spirit on to the thorns and bring it on home.
Always good to know in case you're threatened by a rhino, which is not beyond the realms of possibility in the southern Kruger Park.
Indeed, Pusey stops the game-drive vehicle and gleefully plunges his hands into a steaming pile of rhino dung at the side of the road.
I've never met a guide who isn't obsessed with animal droppings and Pusey is no exception.
"Both black and white rhino share this midden," he declares.
"How do you know?" asks one of our Danish guests.
Pusey roots around in the fecal offering and triumphantly holds up a small twig. "Because of this," he says. "Unlike the white variety, which eat only grass, black rhino eat twigs and leaves."
He proffers two more handfuls like a plate of biscuits. "The black rhino dung is reddish in colour because of the tannin content."
He opens his other hand. "White rhino dung is black."
Pusey indicates the midden once more. "See how both dominant males mark their territory by scattering their faeces and spraying urine in every direction. A youngster wanting to challenge the dominant bull will also spray-urinate, causing a bout between two tons of fighting fury, resulting in the death of one of them."
Talk about a pissing contest, but so much in the bird and animal kingdom revolves around urine. Marabou storks wee on their own legs to keep them cool (and white). I've seen a giraffe delicately swill a female's urine around his palate to determine her readiness for his amorous attentions.
Unlike humans, most animals have something called the Jacobson's gland, which measures oestrogen levels in females.
At Tinga, we see a lion sniff a female's nether region then curl his upper lip, wrinkle his nose and grimace like a wine taster encountering a sour bouquet.
"She's not quite ready," observes Pusey. "If she were," he adds drily, "the dominant male would be here with the rest of his pride. That guy wouldn't get a look in."
Ten minutes before, we had come across said dominant male holding court on the Skukuza road. A magnificent specimen, he sat with the detached and slightly disdainful expression of a Hollywood icon coerced into a promotional event.
Surrounded by cars and clicking cameras, he rolled to a sitting position and delicately washed paws the size of hams with his long pink tongue. Silhouetted against the sky, he turned his huge head this way and that - a real glamour puss - showing off his gorgeous black and gold mane to its best effect.
Then, just in case anyone mistook him for a dandy lion, he let out a roar that shook the vehicle. One of our Danish guests sank to the floor in fright.
It was all most satisfactory.
"Most satisfactory" is an understatement at Tinga's Legends Lodge in the southern Kruger Park.
Our living quarters resembled something Sir Percy FitzPatrick might have built, had he won the lottery. Riverine forest cradled our isolated cottage (one of nine) comprising a bedroom, sitting room, en suite bathroom and floor-to-ceiling windows. A huge leather wingback armchair and comfy couch offered pre-prandial snooze opportunities if you felt like a change from the vast bed draped in linen more befitting of a sultan's seraglio.
Outside, a large wooden deck and private heated plunge pool overlooked the Sabie River, the perfect place to unwind. It was from here, G&T in hand, that I watched a wallow - sounds a little more apt than a pod - of hippo snorting from the Sabie River below.
Going back to the bush is very much part of being South African. It harks back to the days of leathery men in veldskoens - never socks and sandals - striding across the undulating dry surf of long thatching grass, hacking their way through thorn and sickle-bush, hunting lion, skinning kudu and dispatching mambas.
Indeed, Tinga's Legends Camp is named after the more renowned of such individuals like Major James Stevenson Hamilton, Kruger's head ranger from 1902 and Harry Wolhuter, famous for killing a lion with a hunting knife.
Old black and white photographs of these (and other) legends adorn Tinga's vast reception area.
At the nearby Stevenson Hamilton library in Skukuza you can view the skin of the massive lion stabbed twice in the heart by Wolhuter. More of a museum than a library, it stocks memorabilia used by rangers, stone tools and old books, including several by my herpetologist step-grandfather, Dr VFM Fitzsimons. Also at Skukuza is an original train carriage and part of the station used in the Kruger from the mid-1920s to 1972.
The old Selati line still runs through the Tinga concession. One night at the Newington Siding stop, the train driver peered into the darkness and, seeing no passengers, carried on towards Komatipoort.
Meanwhile, commuters forced into trees by hungry lions watched in dismay as their train steamed away. From then on drivers were instructed to search the branches for passengers.
We drive towards the Sabie River near Tinga's Narina Lodge as dark clouds slowly freewheel across the leaden sky and double-park behind acacia trees. Raindrops soothe our sunburnt skin and the air feels moist and cool. We're thrilled to see a rare saddle-billed stork taking off from the edge of the water, its black and white wings flapping slowly like laundry on the line. Further along, a buffalo blocks our path, its plait-like horns lowered to resemble the bonnet of a Voortrekker vrou confronting an errant piccanin.
"Any guesses at the collective name?" asks Pusey, whose mind is a well-oiled filing cabinet of veld facts. "An obstinacy of buffalo."
Rather apt, since you wouldn't want to argue with any of them.
That night, after a sumptuous dinner served in the boma by head chef Leanne Fraser, we sleep as soundly as the leopard stretched out along a branch , cleverly spotted by Chris Mzimba, our tracker.
After our morning game drive during which we spot impala - including a female with horns - kudu, warthog, hippo, a Marabou stork, brown snake eagle and some monkeys, we take Pusey up on his offer of a guided walk.
Getting out and walking is a whole new experience as Tinga's 5 000ha concession reveals itself in a series of sensory revelations.
You stop being just the observer and become both watcher and watched, part of the whole rolling panorama.
Pusey tells us all about the fascinating fig wasps that help pollinate several trees in the area. The female apparently burrows into the fruit to lay eggs, which hatch into larvae inside the fig, providing any unsuspecting monkey or baboon with more than a mouthful.
We also inhaled the delicate citrus fragrance of the hairy knobwood tree (Zanthoxylum humile), often used as a perfume by the local women, according to Pusey.
We saw tortoises, insects, butterflies and spiders including a Golden Orb, (Nephila fenestra) which weaves an awesome - almost impenetrable - web. The male has an interesting foreplay technique, which other species might do well to emulate. He presents his lady love with a fly wrapped in silk and copulates with her while she's preoccupied with unwrapping her gift.
Human males might be equally successful if they treat their mates to a few days at Tinga to suckle spiritual nourishment from the nurturing bushveld and luxuriate in one sensual experience after another.
Just being there in the moment, in that special place and time surrounded by smiling staff welcoming you after every game drive with rolled towels and a cool drink, will make you want to stay forever.
Already my soul longs to return.
If you go...
- Tinga's private concession is situated between the Sabie and Sand rivers, with 37km of river frontage, offering the Big Five, large numbers of prey animals, and the highest recorded density of leopards and impala in Africa.
- Facilities include a main deck overlooking the Sabie river, a library, wine cellar, boma, lounge, spa, bar and boutique.
- There is also an executive boardroom, which can accommodate 14 executives with all the usual business facilities.
- Tinga safari vehicles (seating no more than six guests per open vehicle) with a professional guide and tracker have access to the entire Kruger Park road network, allowing guests to view areas of historical significance and beauty.
- Contact details: For more information on Tinga, call 013 735 8400, contact Rosemary Marx on 071 688 6750 or 082 571 0599; e-mail rosemarymarx@tinga.co.za or reservations@tinga.co.za or visit the website on www.tinga.co.za
